I'm frustrated and I am very tired......most days I get through the day without complaining. Oh don't get me wrong because I do complain, I mutter under my breath or you might catch me wincing and even crying. The problem is pain. I live in constant pain. There isn't a day since I had Chemo that I have not had pain. It's in my joints, my entire body hurts. . Some days it's just my knees other days it could be my hands, feet. My skin is overly sensitive it is very painful to the touch.some days more than others ..In fact it feels like it burns. My left hand has less and less feeling.. Carrying anything is not possible. I have spasms that I feel my fingers curl but I resist, that too causes a lot of discomfort. For pain Long acting Hydro-Morph twice a day. . It's not supposed to be this was . You are supposed to finish Chemo grow your hair back feel better and get on with life again.
I have since spoken to a couple of other people in similar circumstances. The million dollar question Why? I rode my bike over a 100 miles per week. I was constantly on my bike. My son and I would ride across the entire city and then some. Was I out of condition? I could have lost a few pounds but who can't? On the most part fairly fit with all the riding.
My family Dr. agrees I was dealt a bad hand. Was it too much Chemo? After all I was hospitalized after each infusion of Taxotere. In total I spent 32 days in hospital. Was it the Arimidex? Should my Oncologist listened when I kept telling him how bad I felt on this drug.?
Probably he should have or at least be better accquainted of all the side effects. Speaking with other women in the Oncology waiting room we were not all crazy complaining our bodies hurt.
I have never been a chronic complainer or whiner, though I am in constant daily chronic pain and I don't know how to make it stop!
Really, I'm not looking for sympathy or am I having a pity party...I am trying to find out how many others are going through similar issues.These drugs we are given, trusting they are going to save our lives only to experience horrendous sides effects that I can attest to..
Do you feel as patients we should be provided with better information regarding our treatments? Along with the potential side effects or do we just go along blindly.
I force myself to keep moving otherwise it would be easy just to stay in bed. My grandmother at 94 had more energy than I have.
Feb 2, 2012
Feb 1, 2012
Arguing by text.....
I still have not accquired the "skill" of text messaging. I do have a cell phone that mostly sits in a case on my night stand with a dead battery needing charging. People will say "I'll text you" Well you can but I won't receive your message no money on the phone and the battery is dead. Can you email me instead? I get strange looks as though I live in the prehistoric days.
Or I'm asked "How can you not text"? Well I just don't. I hear people say Oh I had a fight with so and so we texted back and forth. OK so how does that work exactly?
My son has a girlfriend, there seemed to be some miscommunication between them So a few hurt feelings, some miscontrued meanings All done through texting of course. The art of communication along with writing skills seems to have become a lost art. When was the last time you received a hand written letter from a friend? When have you written a letter? Pennmanship was always a required passing grade before you graduated to using a pen. My son was sending a post card to someone, he asked me where the stamp goes! We type, we have spell correction. Some kids don't even know what a dictionary is when everything is available on line.
Going back to the argument/misunderstanding. My question to him was how can you be angry at someone that types a bunch of words, you do the same and you call that arguing?
For days I have been saying you need to speak to each other. Sitting here night after night, mooning, complaining texting accomplishes nothing. You have to hear their voice or at least see them, see/hear their reaction. I love my son but ...........talk to the girl already. I finally got through, after threats of my wearing ear plugs. He's a nice young man , treats his girlfriend well. But two stubborn people clicking away on cell phones does not mean you are communicating your feelings to each other.... Thank goodness he finally Telephoned her. They spoke for over 4 1/2 hrs through the night!! At 5:30am he came into my room shook me and asked "Mom are you sleeping"? If you have to shake me wait for a bleary eyed response at this ungodly time. It's a pretty good clue I was sleeping.... Young love. Though one consolation I will hopefully get some sleep and not see a mopping guy sitting on the sofa listening to the same sad love song repeated through the night clicking away texting.....
The best compliment your child can pay you is when he/she tells you "Mom sometimes we fought and argued, but you did everything right for me. You are always here when I need you, you never judge me. You put everything down if I need to talk. . People always tell me how polite I am , I'm that way because of the things you taught me to be. You really are a good mom!" So you think at 5:30am this morning I wasn't bawling like a baby?!!
Or I'm asked "How can you not text"? Well I just don't. I hear people say Oh I had a fight with so and so we texted back and forth. OK so how does that work exactly?
My son has a girlfriend, there seemed to be some miscommunication between them So a few hurt feelings, some miscontrued meanings All done through texting of course. The art of communication along with writing skills seems to have become a lost art. When was the last time you received a hand written letter from a friend? When have you written a letter? Pennmanship was always a required passing grade before you graduated to using a pen. My son was sending a post card to someone, he asked me where the stamp goes! We type, we have spell correction. Some kids don't even know what a dictionary is when everything is available on line.
Going back to the argument/misunderstanding. My question to him was how can you be angry at someone that types a bunch of words, you do the same and you call that arguing?
For days I have been saying you need to speak to each other. Sitting here night after night, mooning, complaining texting accomplishes nothing. You have to hear their voice or at least see them, see/hear their reaction. I love my son but ...........talk to the girl already. I finally got through, after threats of my wearing ear plugs. He's a nice young man , treats his girlfriend well. But two stubborn people clicking away on cell phones does not mean you are communicating your feelings to each other.... Thank goodness he finally Telephoned her. They spoke for over 4 1/2 hrs through the night!! At 5:30am he came into my room shook me and asked "Mom are you sleeping"? If you have to shake me wait for a bleary eyed response at this ungodly time. It's a pretty good clue I was sleeping.... Young love. Though one consolation I will hopefully get some sleep and not see a mopping guy sitting on the sofa listening to the same sad love song repeated through the night clicking away texting.....
The best compliment your child can pay you is when he/she tells you "Mom sometimes we fought and argued, but you did everything right for me. You are always here when I need you, you never judge me. You put everything down if I need to talk. . People always tell me how polite I am , I'm that way because of the things you taught me to be. You really are a good mom!" So you think at 5:30am this morning I wasn't bawling like a baby?!!
Jan 28, 2012
What was I "NOT" Thinking?
Tonight the unthinkable happened that could have compromised my own safety.. I was relaxing in my room watching the news... My son was in his room preparing to go out.... Someone knocked on the front door, I heard it my son heard it too, he was about to go downstairs to answer the door, we thought who ever it was left. A few minutes later we heard this very loud pounding on the back door, this person had to go through the back yard , the gate has a lock on it so he jumped over the gate. He wasn't a spring rooster either !! I answered the door he immediately said he was from the court was here to deliver some papers.He asked me to read the names on the documents. It wasn't me or was it my landlord...While standing at the door he literally pushed himself in. Next thing I knew he was in the back hallway disputing me... I was trying to explain the names on the court papers were my neighbours NOT US!!. They have rented it to students. Since both the University and College are in the vicinity. - it is deemed a students residence. He was trying to insist that he had the right place. Our address is similar we share the same street number, but there is an *A in front of the other house. Easily confusing always having to direct people to the correct house or retrieve and deliver the correct mail to the right house.. He then started asking if I rent here do I pay my rent monthly is my rent paid on time, questions I didn't expect. Or were any of his business!! By this time he is walking towards my kitchen claiming he wants to give me *a better opportunity to read the court papers in a better light .* I told him to stop, directed him to the stairs., he was starting to unnerve me along with feeling very uncomfortable with this man , but I did not let it show.
I called my son asked him to escort this man downstairs show him the door along with correct address. He still wasn't making a move I firmly told him "This conversation is now over.."!
After he was gone, my son came in to see me and asked if I had lost my mind letting a total stranger in.
He was clearly upset. I told him the guy just pushed through before I knew he was inside the hallway!!
My son was angry, he hollered at me saying..."Mom do you see how easy that was??"What if I wasn't home?? Why did you open the door? A hundred why's
He was right of course."Mom how were you going to protect yourself? What if he attacked you? What if he tried to hurt you rape you?"Worse yet Kill You"!! You let a stranger into the house!!
I put myself in a vulnerable situation. My son is leaving again to move back out west, British Columbia in March or early April. He told me that I need to be in a more secure area or at least in a building little harder to access.
Somewhere that someone can't just walk into your apartment He is right of course. My reflexes are not the same as they once were, I couldn't protect the cat let alone myself. In past weeks there have been some sporadic break ins along with a couple of home invasions, in fact one was a mother and her son being held hostage by a group of thugs, The mother was duct taped as she watched her 17 year old son be pistol whipped.One of these criminals knew the mother was on pain medication for an illness she had.It was a planned invasion ..coming for money and her pain meds.
You have to be so careful what you say to be sure someone isn't listening or invite strangers in to your home . We used to have a standing joke our city was so safe, the robber would leave his doors unlocked. Tonight was a wake up call. Even though this guy was legitimate his method was less than desireable. He needed to serve papers.
-Understood-
The startling fact is I didn't even ask him his name or identification....
I called my son asked him to escort this man downstairs show him the door along with correct address. He still wasn't making a move I firmly told him "This conversation is now over.."!
After he was gone, my son came in to see me and asked if I had lost my mind letting a total stranger in.
He was clearly upset. I told him the guy just pushed through before I knew he was inside the hallway!!
My son was angry, he hollered at me saying..."Mom do you see how easy that was??"What if I wasn't home?? Why did you open the door? A hundred why's
He was right of course."Mom how were you going to protect yourself? What if he attacked you? What if he tried to hurt you rape you?"Worse yet Kill You"!! You let a stranger into the house!!
I put myself in a vulnerable situation. My son is leaving again to move back out west, British Columbia in March or early April. He told me that I need to be in a more secure area or at least in a building little harder to access.
Somewhere that someone can't just walk into your apartment He is right of course. My reflexes are not the same as they once were, I couldn't protect the cat let alone myself. In past weeks there have been some sporadic break ins along with a couple of home invasions, in fact one was a mother and her son being held hostage by a group of thugs, The mother was duct taped as she watched her 17 year old son be pistol whipped.One of these criminals knew the mother was on pain medication for an illness she had.It was a planned invasion ..coming for money and her pain meds.
You have to be so careful what you say to be sure someone isn't listening or invite strangers in to your home . We used to have a standing joke our city was so safe, the robber would leave his doors unlocked. Tonight was a wake up call. Even though this guy was legitimate his method was less than desireable. He needed to serve papers.
-Understood-
The startling fact is I didn't even ask him his name or identification....
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